![]() ![]() I even remember asking an adult (mom's friend) to please not let me go home with her (she was VERY physically drunk and was about to drive). There were clear signs of abuse in the home, sexual subjugation, and more. My therapist helped me realize a lot of things around my childhood abuse, but one thing stood out that he pointed out: the adults around me, failed me. Upvotes 3 weeks ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017 Can you be proud of yourself? My advice is to keep going, let your inner child out when you’re ready, and praise yourself for everything this unfortunate situation has taught you.” I’m proud of you for recognizing that you don’t owe it to your parents and seeing through their manipulative tactics. Be proud of yourself for all that you did. But you grew in responsibility, you practiced boundaries, you’re almost 18 and prepared to move out because you have grown. You had to grow up WAY too fast and your youth was swallowed up in all of this. When asked about what advice she would give to the OP, White encouraged her to look at the positive and be proud of herself and what he has achieved. That is why it is important to identify what you have gone through and seek professional help. As they do not process it correctly and heal from this trauma, they continue the habit by putting responsibilities on their children. Parents that subject their children to it have experienced it themselves when they were young. White notes that she might only be attracted to self-sufficient adults.Īnother important thing to note is that parentification is a cycle. They might find their love language to be act of service because they spent so much of their youth demonstrating love by taking care of their stepsister.” In the OP’s situation, however, the opposite might happen as she deeply resents her situation. “They might attract a partner that needs ‘mom’ing.’ This is because this relationship dynamic, while troublesome, is what they are used to. ![]() White also points out that many also tend to repeat parent-child dynamics in their adult relationships. It can result in low self-esteem, psychological distress, attachment issues, personality disturbances, and more. The overall negative effects of parentification on adults can be quite significant. This can lead to them growing up too fast and becoming too independent too quickly. This is the time, however, when teens are still learning social and cognitive skills that are necessary to be a caretaker. Parents might ask their teenagers to take on tasks that they are still not fully equipped to handle and leave them to it without providing any support or supervision. Researchers theorize that the parentification burden is especially heavy on adolescents as parents tend to expect more from them than younger children. ![]() ![]() “It’s not fair, but the day she told her parents ‘I don’t want to do this anymore,’ she found her voice.” However, White points out that this taught her the meaning of boundaries from early age. This doesn’t seem to be the case for the OP. This, however, is only valid in cases when the responsibilities in question are age-appropriate, monitored, acknowledged, and supported. Scientists think that it can actually have positive long-term effects and build character and resilience. It is important to note that giving a child appropriate care responsibilities is not necessarily harmful. Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo) Teenage life is all about learning who you are, but, thrown into this role, the protagonist becomes responsible for learning how to parent more.” “ don’t look back on those years as ‘fun’ or ‘light-hearted’ but burdensome and exhausting. She was responsible for the well-being of another during a time where she is still learning her own emotions.”Īccording to White, later on in life, the OP might have a difficult time dealing with her childhood. She had to take on the ‘parent’ role for her little sister during an age where she still needed to be parented. She believes that like many of her other adult clients that had to parent their siblings, the OP missed out on a carefree childhood. This seems exactly like what the parents in this situation did by giving their daughter no choice but to take care of her younger step-sister.īored Panda talked to Jessa White, a licensed mental health counselor associate and a private practice owner, to see her perspective on the matter. That is a parent-child dynamic in which the child assumes caregiving responsibilities while the parents fail to support them and restrict their independence. What this redditor is describing sounds an awful lot like parentification. Image credits: Steve Lieman (not the actual photo) ![]()
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